Christmas Revelations

I've just gone back to work after a wonderful ten days off. I did nothing. And it felt good to truly unwind. I spent days in my pyjamas, and worked through five seasons of "Grey's Anatomy."

I'd never seen the show before, though many of my friends talked of it. I'd always been a private practice gal, not wanting to stray from the comfort of Violet Turner, Sam Bennett and Cooper Freedman. But Private practice ended, and my love of Addison Montgomery took me to Greys.

I'm obsessed. I am infatuated with Derek Shepherd and Mark Sloan, I'm in a love/hate relationship with Meredith Grey, and I am going to be sending a very large therapy bill to Shonda rhimes for the emotional rollercoaster she currently has me on.

I worked a late shift tonight, and came home and cooked a quick dinner, before nestling myself on the sofa to watch Series 6, episode 10. Which happens to be a holiday episode.

Halfway through, Bailey confronts her father about her spending Christmas alone because of work. Lexie decorates the tree with Mark, Derek and Meredith are still super loved up, and when the scene changed to New Year's Eve and they all kissed each other after performing a miraculous surgery on a child. I thought, 'shit'.

This is the first Christmas I will spend alone, ever. I am working the entire holiday period, because O convinced me not to book it off as the store is shut on Christmas and we would see each other anyway. The first time I have ever cancelled my christmas holiday.

I wont have anyone to dance around with during my favourite holiday,  gathering decorations whilst drinking mulled wine and listening to my favourite carols. I wont wake up on Christmas morning full of excitement, ready to give gifts. When Big Ben chimes and rings in new year, I won't have anyone to kiss.

I'm going to be alone. And the sheer thought is terrifyingly daunting. Christmas has always been my favourite time of year; and along with breaking my heart, O has broken my holiday spirit.

Now I'm just dreading it.